Long distance relationships are NOT easy. In fact, despite knowing early on that B was the one for me, this past year has probably been the most emotionally draining year that I can remember. A girl’s heart can only miss someone for so long! I do admit that we’ve been fortunate enough to have the money and vacation time to visit each other once every few months. I can’t even begin to imagine how these women that go years without seeing their SOs handle the inevitable sadness that comes with an LDR.
If I went back to August 18, 2008 would I do it all again? In a heartbeat!
Would I recommend a long distance relationship to anyone? Well, that’s a question without a simple answer.
There’s a lot to think about before committing yourself to someone you won’t be able to see on a regular basis. I am, however, always willing to give advice to (or commiserate with) anyone who’s thinking about jumping into an LDR!
Before you decide:
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There are some key questions that you need to ask your (potential?) significant other so that you are both on the same page.
How often will we see each other? Consider each of your budgets and the cost of travel and work out a tentative visit schedule. Being able to physically reconnect with each other is important to keep the spark alive. B and I have tried to see each other once every two or three months and it’s definitely been a big reason why we’re at the point we are now!
How will we stay connected each day? We’re lucky to live in the age of technology where you can easily (and cheaply!) talk with anyone in any part of the world. Being able to talk to your SO throughout the day is important to remind each other how important they are to you, and vice versa. Whether it’s texting, email, an online messenger or telephone, find something that works for both of you.
What do you want to get out of our relationship? I know how hard this question can be to ask. However, an LDR can be a lot of heartache for nothing if you and your SO are at different stages in life.
Will you move, or will I? Because, frankly, a relationship cannot be long distance forever. If you want it to work, someone eventually will have to move. Try to consider what’s tying each of you to your current locations and when those ties might be broken. At some point one of you will have to compromise.
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If you do not wholeheartedly trust your SO you might want to reconsider an LDR. You will drive yourself insane if you let yourself think about “what-ifs”. Yes, your SO probably has some female friends that he’s going to hang out with. No, you’re not there to do anything about it. If you think this is going to bother you, you can talk to him/her about it, but ultimately you’re going to have to let go and trust that he loves you enough not to stray. If you don’t, long distance isn’t going to work.
So you’ve asked all the questions, taken everything into consideration and you’re ready to start your LDR. This is what has helped B and I keep our relationship strong:
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Obviously, communication is a huge factor in any successful relationship. In an LDR it is ABSOLUTELY KEY! I will not stress this enough to anyone considering an LDR. “I’m not very good at communicating my feelings,” you say? Well, you’re going to have to get over that. When you can’t be with the person that you love, you are bound to experience negative emotions. Keeping them bottled inside will lead you to resent your partner. No one’s a mind-reader, especially when your SO can’t be around you to read your body language. (S)he may never know something’s bothering you!
Let your SO know that the distance is getting to you, or that you had a particularly bad day. And, if you’re on the receiving side of these feelings, put a little extra effort into expressing your love for your SO; it’ll be appreciated!
Buy. A. Webcam.
Seriously. If you’re in an LDR, a webcam is probably the best investment (other than travel expenses) that you can make for your relationship. It might sound silly, but actually being able to “see” B after a long day always makes me smile. Even if we just leave the webcams on while we browse the internet or stare at each other, it’s very comforting to know that he’s there thinking of me.
Be Romantic
I’m not saying you need to buy a girl flowers once a month, but a cute little romantic gesture every once in a while will go a long way. Write a letter via snail mail rather than email. Send a children’s book that expresses the sentiments you feel. Make sure your SO always feels loved, needed and appreciated. It’s easy to take each other for granted when you get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, especially when there’s distance between you.
I could probably go on for a long time on this topic; it definitely hits close to him. When I asked B if he had any advice on long distant relationships, all he said was, “Be patient.” I think that’s a pretty decent summary. Have patience with each other, and with the relationship itself.
“To sit patiently with a yearning that has not yet been fulfilled, and to trust that, that fulfillment will come, is quite possibly one of the most powerful "magic skills" that human beings are capable of. It has been noted by almost every ancient wisdom tradition.” -- Ms. Elizabeth Gilbert
Let me know if you have any insight to add, if you’d like to share stories, or if you’d just like to talk! I’m almost always around : )
I don't have any more insight to add, but Hubby and I did long distance for 4 years. PIA, but he's so worth it! I really think it taught us to appreciate each other more! After over a year of living with him, I'm not "sick of him" yet and some couples can't say the same thing, unfortunately. I would also like to add that I love that song, I Would Walk 500 Miles
Posted by: Jacqueline | 08/21/2009 at 08:56 PM